Monday, June 30, 2014

Top Ten Reasons Being A Newborn Is Horribly Difficult


Hi!  I'm new here.  At first glance, you would think I have the easiest life in the world: My every whim is seen to by willing, even eager slaves parents, I eat when I want, sleep when I want, and even receive praise for bodily functions usually discouraged in polite company.

But don't be fooled.  My life is far more difficult than it appears! Don't believe me?  Check out my list:

10. If I don't get my 20 hours of sleep, I get C.R.A.N.K.Y. don't even go there.

9. Speaking of which, these people keep odd hours. They sleep during the night time and don't eat nearly often enough. For some reason, they seem to expect me to adjust to THEIR schedule. They even get a bit grumpy when I refuse to conform...

8. What would be a tiny gas bubble for you is bigger than my whole stomach... So yeah, I think that's enough said.

7. Actually, no. That deserves a little more discussion. Can you even imagine the amount of discomfort that kind of flatulence can cause???

6. Imagine expressing the desire to go outside, only to be carried up the stairs, down the hall, and dumped in one's bed? Frustrating doesn't begin to cover it.  I just wish I could move by myself!

5. Trying to have a conversation or express a simple need is very frustrating when my only mode of communication is to cry.  Obviously, I have different types: I scream when I hurt, I wail when I need a clean bottom, I fuss when I am hungry and I whimper when my brothers get all up in my face.  It doesn't matter though, none of these people are very great at interpreting my signals...

4. My head is half my body weight. As fun as being a bobble head looks, it isn't. So stop laughing already.

3. I have these strange appendages that keep whacking me in the head no matter how desperately I try to control them. They invariably attack most ferociously at mealtime. My own body coming between me and my dinner? The humanity!

2. Pretty sure I know much more than these crazies who call themselves my parents. They tell me this will continue until I grow old enough to have my own, and suddenly, all bets are off... But I'm not buying.

1. I'm a grown up spirit squashed into teeny tiny quarters (Seriously. Have you seen my itsy toes?!?). It is nearly impossible to contain this much awesome, folks!!

Photo Credits: Davison Photography

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